Religion-my deep thought..for the morning...

I was born into a Baptist family. I attended Baptist churches, sunday school, vacation bible school, summer church camp, you name it, I did it. I even went to a private catholic college, just so that I would have some religious affiliation influencing my life choices. Christianity is like breathing, it just comes natural to me..I never questioned it, always believed it and have never lacked faith in it.

As an adult, I have struggled with the concept of God, the concept of predestination and the concept of a free will (which has always seem an oxymoron if you believe in predestination). I quit going to church in 2003, after several relationships, that all had the same pattern, that all ended very badly. The church started to dictate my life...where I went, who I went with, what I wore, what I said, what I listened to, what I watched, what I did on Saturday nights, who I dated, when I got married, whether or not I should get a divorce, etc...slowly, I began to lose who I was and started to have similar traits and ideals that the people I went to church with. It was a continuing struggle for 2.5 years (why I just didnt see that I was surrounding myself with judgemental morons, I have no idea). It finally snapped for me, when one day after working out at the club I belonged to, I came out to find a girl that I went to church with and considered a friend, leaning up against my car. They had sent her as an "intervention" .....because I was becoming to worldly, focusing on working out too much, dating too much, wearing MAKEUP (what the hell people...honestly..I cant help it if your not attractive, so dont knock me cause I am prettier than you) etc....I just couldnt even listen to her anymore or listen to them...I got in my car, almost ran her over (seriously)..and went straight to the pastor and told him he could take his bogus religion and shove it where the sun dont shine (i really did say that..only not so polite..so I guess I am a sinner afterall) ( :

Ok...so that was 2 years ago..a lot has happened since then...but my bitter taste for organized religion has remained the same...up until recently. After a week of partying at a conference this month, I realized that I had taken the exact path in life that I had not wanted to take. There were several situations that arose, that people could have been seriously hurt in..but thankfully, no one was, well not physically, emotionally...there was a lot of damage and some marriages have ended due to that week. (funny how a relationship can be finished in just a matter of minutes)...that week gave me a reputation that doesn't quite fit who I am, but now people see me and someone I am not...this really bothered me...I like my good girl image..and the fact that people see me as a reliable trustworthy person...but you know the old saying "You lie down with dogs, you get up with fleas" well that is where I am at now...thats right people..I have fleas ( : ...no but seriously, you know what I mean.

So..after a week of recuperation (cause it really took that long to get caught up on my sleep)...I decided that I needed to find somewhere that I could meet people that had similar goals in life and were like minded. Alas...it lead me back to church. Sunday I went back to church for the first time in 2 years...it was hard...it took me all day Saturday to decide where I wanted to go...I finally settled on this church called Evergreen Community Center...and all I can say was...it was awesome! The service that I attended was at 1130, they had a full band that played...alternative christian music and the pastor..he was on fire...I really dug it. I didnt talk to anyone..just walked in, sat down, listened and left. And honestly....I actually have felt better in the last two days than I have in the last 2 months.

What's my point? I dont know....go to church...find religion...get the Lord....maybe it is all of those things. I dont know that I have a point. All I know is..being a Christian is more than just attending church..or reading your bible...its who you are on the inside, who you surround yourself with, what you put into your mind...its a lot of things..and I think I often times forget that.

Hey...I havent had any coffee today...and I am feeling analytical...no one said this blog was going to make sense.